How to Surrender Your Fear of Losing Control

The last few months have been emotionally intense, and I was confronted by my fear of losing control. It feels like the whole world is purging – and so many people are experiencing major changes or instability in their work, finances, relationships, and more.

I recently went through a few challenges that forced me to face my fear of losing control. As an overachiever and planner, I’ve always had a huge fear of losing control of my happiness and stability in life.

I faced uncertainty around my finances, new love, and hopes and dreams. All at once.

My mind bounced back and forth between the best and worst case scenario of each situation. It felt like they were out of my hands. They could easily swing either way.

I was anxious, and I wanted to snap out of it as soon as possible.

When everything starts crumbling around you, when you feel deeply attached to certain outcomes that you cannot control, it can be an emotional rollercoaster.

You swing from imagining your dreams coming true to the fear of utter pain and failure.

It can drive you crazy through sleepless nights. Your body becomes flooded with adrenaline. You’re in fight or flight mode.

How to Surrender

When this happens, watch yourself.

What is the root cause of this fear?

What beliefs are you holding on to that cause you to feel this way?

Do you have any beliefs rooted in lack or scarcity?

What outcomes are you attached to?

What are you afraid of losing?

When your outside world is chaotic, your mind can become fragmented by fear.

At a certain point, the only thing you can do to find peace is to go within.

The only thing you can do is to trust yourself and know that everything is unfolding as it should – even though it doesn’t look that way right now.

I was desperate to find this inner peace. I was desperate to escape the anxiety.

I listened to calming and hypnotic meditations and binaural beats on YouTube.

I found this fantastic spoken guided visualization on surrender by Jason Stephenson.

I spent time sitting in nature. I listened to my body and withdrew from the world so I could process quietly at home. I meditated and journaled about what I was grateful for in my life, trying to keep my thoughts positive.

Despite our physical circumstances, the most important thing we can do is focus on keeping our vibration high. A positive mindset and emotional state allows us to maintain a high frequency that attracts more things that match it in vibration – abundance, flow, and opportunity.

No matter what your outer world looks like, your inner world dictates what you create and experience next.

We must first feel and believe it from within before we see it out there. Everything is opposite.

This is extreme, but it’s almost like the outer world is irrelevant.

“Practice these words: I don’t care. I care about feeling good. I care about clarity. But what I don’t care about are conditions that I cannot control. What I don’t care about are things that take me out of alignment. I’ve trained myself to care about what infuses me, not what diffuses me. I care about what lifts me, not what lowers me.” – Abraham Hicks

I reached out to a few friends for support, but I tried not to complain or paint a fear-based picture of the future. I know our words are powerful in manifesting both the outcomes we want and those we don’t want.

“Your word is the power that you have to create. Your word is the gift that comes directly from God. Through the word you express your creative power. It is through the word that you manifest everything. Regardless of what language you speak, your intent manifests through the word.” – Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

Amazingly, I found a few moments of utter bliss in surrendering. It felt like a release of control, a deep knowing that I was going to be okay.

A few insights came through in those moments of clarity:

Our lives are divinely orchestrated, guided by our higher selves. Most times, we can only see this retrospectively. Even the things we perceive to be negative end up catalyzing the growth and changes that we need the most.
There is a divine timing to everything. Even if something we desire takes longer than we want to materialize, it comes in when we are ready for it and have matched it in vibration. It is all unfolding in perfect timing.
Trust the universe. Surrender your ego to your higher self. Know that you are supported and guided, always.
Everything is happening for your highest benefit – for your soul’s evolution. Believe it or not, your higher self chose to experience this. These challenges cause you to expand and desire something more than what you are experiencing now.
Nothing can be taken away from you. You are whole. You cannot lose anything. Even if someone kills your physical body, you will never cease to exist. You are an eternal soul.

Fear of Losing Control

Where does the fear of losing control come from?

“We form an image of what perfection is in order to try to be good enough. We create an image of how we should be in order to be accepted by everybody. We especially try to please the ones who love us, like Mom and Dad, big brothers and sisters, the priests and the teacher. Trying to be good enough for them, we create an image of perfection, but we don’t fit this image. We create this image, but this image is not real. We are never going to be perfect from this point of view. Never! Not being perfect, we reject ourselves.” – Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

When you start feeling out of control, you have a choice between fear (closing your heart) and surrender (opening your heart).

Control is an illusion.

You cannot control your job. You cannot control your finances.

You cannot control what happens. You cannot control your loved ones. You cannot control what others think.

You cannot control love.

You cannot control anything outside of you.

You can only control the perspective you hold regarding what happens in your life.

What you can control are your emotions and thoughts. And from the vibration of your thoughts and emotions, you can manifest what you desire and anchor higher timelines into your life.

Despite your physical circumstances, if you choose to open your heart, you can actually change your experience. You shift to a higher vibrational timeline through matching that resonating vibration within yourself – by trusting the universe and opening your heart.

Find that wholeness and peace within yourself. Can you meditate, sit in nature, go within — and find your inner peace?

If you go deep enough, you will find the light within you that can never be extinguished. It is the inner knowing that you are whole and safe no matter what.

What Happened to Me

I chose to open my heart. I chose to prioritize my inner peace and emotions over worrying about my physical circumstances.

And I truly believe that this is what helped me shift my reality. I can now look back at the weeks of anxiety and chaos with gratitude… knowing they were necessary lessons on my path. I know that learning to surrender and trust the universe was the exact lesson I needed at that time.

Many things started flowing again and unfolding in my favor.

And others stayed the same – my financial situation has not changed a single bit. But what has changed is my perspective. I feel completely abundant. The fear and worry feels far away at the moment, like it was a lifetime ago.

There’s excitement bubbling within me because I know that I’m exactly where I need to be right now. And I’m excited about the future.

Affirmations and Reminders

You have sovereignty over your emotions.

Nothing can be taken away from you.

This will pass. Nothing is permanent.

You will look back at this and understand.

You may even feel grateful for this experience.

Try to stay unattached to the outcome.

Even if it doesn’t work out the way you want it to, even if you’re hurt, even if everything crumbles… You are untouchable.

Once you remember who you are as an eternal being, that you are unconditional love in physical form… You will know this without a doubt.

Have compassion for yourself. Embrace all that is new and causing you to expand.

Open yourself to the miracles you cannot foresee that are on their way to you, right now.

Everything you desire is flowing to you.

You are loved, blessed, and whole.

Remember to breathe deeply and drop into your heart.

There’s nothing to fear. Nothing to lose. Nothing to worry about. Quite the opposite – everything to get excited for.

Fear, anxiety, and sadness are all negative programs. Let them go.

Trust the process. Know that everything that is happening is orchestrated by your higher self.

Relax your grip. No need to think about the future or past. They don’t exist. Everything is unfolding now. And in this present moment, you can go within and find peace.

Your higher self is telling you: If you could see what I see now, and know what I know is in store for you, you’d be jumping for joy.

Connect with the voice of your soul. It is always here guiding you.

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For daily writing and insights, find me on Instagram @ashmi.path.

If you enjoyed this post, I have also written a book called Awakening the Heart of Humanity, with words and art from the heart. You can check it out here.